16 and pregnet.....

& scared shitless!



Ive heard their are shows on austar, foxtel etc about teenage pregnancys. Ive never seen the shows, so I cant comment about them but I can tell you MY story about being 16 and pregnet......

November 14th 2001-

It is a day that my life changed for ever. It was the mans birthday. I just felt something wasnt right. Ive never been one to keep track of my periods. Dont ask why. I just dont.

We were getting a lift over to a friends house and on the way I blurted out to her boyfriend, does she have any pregnancy tests left? Everyone went quiet. The boyfriend finally spoke up and said yes she does (I should probably add, that these friends were older then us. 19 and 25? and had just found out they were expecting a few weeks prior)

We get to the friends house and he goes and has a quiet word to his girlfriend. She comes up to me and hands me a test. I go into the toilet (have avoided all eye contact with the man at this point) do the test and sit and wait. and wait. and wait. Too scared to look. The female friend knocks gently on the door and asks me if im ok. I unlock the door and admit Im too scared to look, but its probably ok. She says, Ill look for you. I think, ok. She looks and her face drops. I dont know why, but I think. Oh! Im right, its ok. im not pregnet. I now realise how naive I was. She hands me the test and says, Its positive. Im stunned. I stand there for what seems like ages with my mouth open just staring at this stick waiting for the extra line to just disappear.

The friend says all the things you want to hear, its ok. Things will work out. How? Im 16 pregnet and can not tell my mum. She was a harsh bitch back then. I was afraid of her truth be told.
I finally "snap" out of it. Go outside and sit next to the man. Not really sure how to break the news to him. I guess he kinda knew though. He just looked at me, hugged me and said. Its ok. Im not going anywhere.
I didnt cry, scream, anything. Just sat thinking, how did I get myself in this mess? obviously I know HOW, but why hadnt we been more careful? I was disappointed in myself.

Now that I think back to it all, Im not all that surprised it happened. Im not saying I slept around with a heap of guys, the man was the 2nd guy I had ever slept with. And still is to this day. Im more saying, the way my home life was. No bond with my Mum, I certaintly couldnt go to her and ask for help with getting on some sort of type of contraception. We didnt talk like a mother and daughter should. She was too busy yelling and doing other things...but Ill save that for another time.

So there I sat. 16 pregnet and shit scared.

We finally got up and went to the mans house. Hiding out in his room talking about what was the best way of telling at least his Mum? I felt I could talk to her, so i did. I went and sat next to her, got up, walked out, sat down, got up, sat down, got up....she said. Sit. Tell me. Whats happened? She gives me a cigarette (total bad ass smoking at 16!) gives me a second and says, your pregnet? Thats when the tears come. I guess the man was standing in the hall way listening the goob and comes in. His mum looks at him and he cheekily says Hi Grandma! Her reply? No! Im too young to be grandma, ill be nanna. That was the type of relationship they used to have. We all sat and talked for abit trying to decide what is the best thing for us to do. We thought about it for a week and I decided that i couldnt have it. I was having an abortion. The appointment was made.

The morning of the appointment I woke up to the man sitting on the end of the bed. I said, whats wrong? He said, I dont want you to have it. Im like, well I know. Ive already decided Im not. He replies, no. I mean, I want you to have the baby. I was annoyed. Id already decided I wasnt going to, but I hadnt actually thought to ask him what he was feeling. I said, no. Ive made up my mind Im going. So we get ready and drive to this place. Im given paper work to fill out and told to drink water for the ultrasound. Im looking around the room at all these woman thinking, wow. Some were really notciebly pregnet. What does the baby have? What does it look like? Can it move? Those places certaintly give you enough time to think about it some more. Sitting in the waiting room really gets you thinking. I was thinking, what could our baby look like? Would it be a girl or boy? Should I or shouldnt I? I was confused. I was scared, but then I was determined. I thought, why shouldnt this child be given a chance? If not raised by me, then why not someone else? Im glad to say that going up to that reception desk and saying, No. Iam not having an abortion was definetly one of the best things I have ever done.

Of course, we were asked to sit and wait and talk it through with the doctors and counsellor. We had an ultrasound and the moment I seen that little heartbeat and heard the words, 8 weeks. I knew I had made the right choose. The counsellor was convinced that we shouldnt go through with the pregnancy. What about your school? My grades were down anyway. I lost interest in school when my mother seemed to lose interest with me. I did try and keep up with the work by homeschooling, but I was just too tired to concentrate. That is one regret. I should have tried harder.

7 months later I wake up very early with cramping, which I put down to "poo cramps" I sat at the kitchen table for a couple of hrs, not moving. Not realising it was labour. haha! god, I had NO idea did I?
we were living in our own little unit right next door to my mums (oh, she finally found out I was pregnet when I was 6 months gone, I was quite good at hiding it and very surprised she wasnt mad)

She had stopped in to see if we were ok and must have realised something was up, I was alot quieter then normal. I told her how I was feeling and she said honey, your in labour. denial set in. (am I the only mother in this worl who denies she is in labour because she is instantly shit scared? Both times Ive said NO IM NOT!)

I finally give in and go to the local hospital, the man driving like a maniac afraid its just going to come out in his car. lol. Get to the hospital where they can not get in contact with my doctor and are saying Iam in premature labour. I insist Iam not. I worked it out. Im due. They argue with me and send me to Adelaide where 13 1/2 hours later I give birth to a beautiful, over done!, 7p 9oz beautiful baby girl. drug free. Tears, so many! From me. Relief? Or happiness? both.

I wish I could say that it was a happy time at that hospital, but it wasnt. I was woken at 3am by a nurse, saying she had to take the baby down to the nursery because she had a "infection" what type? I have no idea. They never told me. I was so exhausted I just agreed with her. I drifted back to sleep and woke up at 6am wanting my baby. I buzzed for the nurse who took me down to the nursery so i could feed. I wasnt left alone for a second. They hovered over me constantly. As soon as she was fed, they took her back to the doctor. I was then taking straight back to my room where I bawled my eyes out with the nurse saying whats wrong? I couldnt speak through the tears so she left the room. I woke the man up and told him what had happened and he said, she is our baby. Lets go and see her.

Once again. They hovered over us. Not leaving us alone to spend those precious moments with her. Finally, after asking a million times, why is she down here? a doctor comes over. Thats when the questions start. Why didnt you have an abortion? You should adopt her out, you cant give her a good life. The adoption suggestion came up more times then I can remember. He was like a drill sergeant. I was honestly thinking he was going to take our baby. In the end, I guess we had answered all his questions correctly because he left us alone and we were allowed to take her back to my room.

My Mum came back to the hospital later that day with my eldest and only sister i miss her so much :(  They asked how the night and morning went and I dont believe I have ever seen my sister so mad before. She got up and marched out demanding to know why I was treated like that and wanting to know what infection? No one could answer that question. I believe it was just something they said so they could try and take her.

I was so happy to walk out of that hospital. I have refused to go there ever since.