Oh what a life!

Im not even sure where to start. Or how much to reveal.

Im tired. Mentally tired.

Its gotten to the point of I want to run and not turn back. ever.

But having 2 small children to think of, running isnt an option, but staying isnt either.

Ive told the man how I feel. Ive been open and honest and told him there isnt much more I can take and for me to live a happy normal life and be a happy normal loving mother, we will separate. And I stand by that. 

He is a victim in this aswell. Not the problem. The problem is someone close to us that suddenly has all this hate for me and wants to make me miserable. I love him with my whole heart. He is my best friend, my soul mate. When I think of my plans for the future he has always been there. But now, Im planning things without him being in them. Just so I can smile.

Its not fair that in order for me to live my life happily, that I have to leave the man I love. But I dont see any other option?

Do you know what it feels like to be bawling your eyes out everyday & have your little 3 year old ask why are you crying mummy?

To now know that a person you used to look up to is now trying to tear your life apart, no matter what it takes?

To be suffering from depression & then have all this extra stress added.

I can barely function some days. I go on auto pilot and do things, but dont even remember doing them. Ask me the day of the week and guaranteed ill give you an incorrect answer.

I cant even drive because my mind can not stay on the one thing. Yes I almost did rear end another car whilst driving my Mums car :/


Im stuck in a place that is not happy.

I cant do it anymore.

I want out.