Men. Most of us have one. Or have at least come across one at some stage of your life.
Ive had mine for almost 11 or 12 years?
Ive learntsome alot of things over the years that have pissed me off pretty much on a daily/weekly basis about this species called man.
Here are mine:
Ive had mine for almost 11 or 12 years?
Ive learnt
Here are mine:
*When we finally get a babysitter who is willing to take the kids over night until say, lunch time, that morning is NOT the time to wake me up at 7am with a raging boner and expect uninterrupted sex. Its just not gonna happen!
*When your 3 year old goes to YOU at stupid o clock wet from piss head to toe, DONT wake me up by saying you need help. Strip the damn kid off, find some fresh clothes and chuck her in our bed. Ill deal with the rest in the morning.
* Dont act as if you have no idea where said 3 year olds fresh clothes are. There is only 1 cupboard in her room, or find something off the floor that is most probably clean anyway!
*Sure, its ok to have a few mates over for drink. Sure, ill take the kids into our room/bed and entertain them with a movie that Ihate love just to keep them and you happy.
*But it is NOT ok, to leave your mess covering every bench/table top with empty cans, bottles, cups, sticky spills, food and expect me to clean it in the morning so that our kids can eat in a clean environment.
* When Iam ripping my hair out from frustrating because I have not left the house in 65432335462 days and for 99% of those days the only people I have spoken to are a 8 year old know it all and a 3 year old twinkle twinkle little star.....oh right. I spend most of the time singing songs with the 3 year old. Please for the love of my sanity TAKE ME OUT minus the kids, so that I can have a HOT meal, uninterrrupted and have a semi normal ADULT conversation!
* I understand you work long tiring hours and would like a rest once you get home, but I to work long tiring hours. 24/7. I would like a knock off time as well, but I cant. So since we made these kids, maybe you could use a bit more energy and entertain them while I cook your dinner that I have been trying to cook since lunch time.
*When your 3 year old is screaming her head off in the bath for you because Mum is being mean and washing her hair, fucking come in and talk to her! Dont sit on the couch and ignore those screams!
*For years now you have been saying, inside work is a womans job, and the mans is outside. So why is outside a frigging mess? Oh and why am I out there cleaning it on the weekend while you are inside watching another football game?
*When the rubbish bin is overflowing, dont try and balance more rubbish on top. Take it outside!
*We have a dishwasher, a real one. Not just me who stands at the sink, why is it so hard to rinse off your plate and put it IN the dishwasher. Not on the bench, not left on the table IN the fucking dishwasher!
* Clothes. That funny looking shaped basket type thing? yes, well, that is where dirty washing goes. Not NEXT to, IN it!
* You may find it funny to do a really stinky fart right after I have made the house smell nice and clean, but I dont! So, dont laugh about it when Iam standing there with a knife ready to stab you.
*It is also polite to spray some type of shit smell cover up after you have shat out a dead animal. Also, clean that piss up you just dripped all over the floor. I dont care if "more then 2 shakes is classed as a wank". I dont want to step in your piss.
*What? Its the weekend and the kids are actually playing nicely outside? No, I dont want a quicky! I want to sit in this peaceful silence and read a book!
*Just stop asking for sex. period. Until you have hired me a maid, chef and nanny.
*Its been 11-12 years now. Dont YOU think its time to propose? I do!
*Why is it necessary to have music blaring in my ears, when there are 2 kids screaming in the back seat when Iam trying to drive? Iam on my learners still remember? I need to concentrate! Not listen to screaming swearing music.
*Our 3 year old also does not need to know the alphabet of swear words, so wait to listen to that song that only says fuck, shit, cunt, bitch, for when you are alone in the car.
*When you get home from work and Iam on the floor rocking backwards and forwards crying calling for my mummy, dont ask whats for dinner. Your likely to be attacked from that insane woman who looks like your girlfriend.
*When we decide to buy take out, DONT just assume its my shout, or call out, YOUR shout. I will buy something you dont like just because I can.
*When your 3 year old goes to YOU at stupid o clock wet from piss head to toe, DONT wake me up by saying you need help. Strip the damn kid off, find some fresh clothes and chuck her in our bed. Ill deal with the rest in the morning.
* Dont act as if you have no idea where said 3 year olds fresh clothes are. There is only 1 cupboard in her room, or find something off the floor that is most probably clean anyway!
*Sure, its ok to have a few mates over for drink. Sure, ill take the kids into our room/bed and entertain them with a movie that I
*But it is NOT ok, to leave your mess covering every bench/table top with empty cans, bottles, cups, sticky spills, food and expect me to clean it in the morning so that our kids can eat in a clean environment.
* When Iam ripping my hair out from frustrating because I have not left the house in 65432335462 days and for 99% of those days the only people I have spoken to are a 8 year old know it all and a 3 year old twinkle twinkle little star.....oh right. I spend most of the time singing songs with the 3 year old. Please for the love of my sanity TAKE ME OUT minus the kids, so that I can have a HOT meal, uninterrrupted and have a semi normal ADULT conversation!
* I understand you work long tiring hours and would like a rest once you get home, but I to work long tiring hours. 24/7. I would like a knock off time as well, but I cant. So since we made these kids, maybe you could use a bit more energy and entertain them while I cook your dinner that I have been trying to cook since lunch time.
*When your 3 year old is screaming her head off in the bath for you because Mum is being mean and washing her hair, fucking come in and talk to her! Dont sit on the couch and ignore those screams!
*For years now you have been saying, inside work is a womans job, and the mans is outside. So why is outside a frigging mess? Oh and why am I out there cleaning it on the weekend while you are inside watching another football game?
*When the rubbish bin is overflowing, dont try and balance more rubbish on top. Take it outside!
*We have a dishwasher, a real one. Not just me who stands at the sink, why is it so hard to rinse off your plate and put it IN the dishwasher. Not on the bench, not left on the table IN the fucking dishwasher!
* Clothes. That funny looking shaped basket type thing? yes, well, that is where dirty washing goes. Not NEXT to, IN it!
* You may find it funny to do a really stinky fart right after I have made the house smell nice and clean, but I dont! So, dont laugh about it when Iam standing there with a knife ready to stab you.
*It is also polite to spray some type of shit smell cover up after you have shat out a dead animal. Also, clean that piss up you just dripped all over the floor. I dont care if "more then 2 shakes is classed as a wank". I dont want to step in your piss.
*What? Its the weekend and the kids are actually playing nicely outside? No, I dont want a quicky! I want to sit in this peaceful silence and read a book!
*Just stop asking for sex. period. Until you have hired me a maid, chef and nanny.
*Its been 11-12 years now. Dont YOU think its time to propose? I do!
*Why is it necessary to have music blaring in my ears, when there are 2 kids screaming in the back seat when Iam trying to drive? Iam on my learners still remember? I need to concentrate! Not listen to screaming swearing music.
*Our 3 year old also does not need to know the alphabet of swear words, so wait to listen to that song that only says fuck, shit, cunt, bitch, for when you are alone in the car.
*When you get home from work and Iam on the floor rocking backwards and forwards crying calling for my mummy, dont ask whats for dinner. Your likely to be attacked from that insane woman who looks like your girlfriend.
*When we decide to buy take out, DONT just assume its my shout, or call out, YOUR shout. I will buy something you dont like just because I can.
No comments:
Post a Comment